Monday, April 7, 2014

fifty-one more days

This is what I began writing last week. I never got the chance to finish it, so here is the beginnings of me trying to blog and to share every little thought with you.

Fifty-five more days.

How did that happen? That is just under two months! HOLY COW!!!

I am SO excited! But so extremely anxious all at the same time. I have read a dozen different blogs from girls already serving in my mission, and it has been such a comfort. It is nice to hear different perspectives, and to read about what the Japan Kobe Mission is like.

I think I have been pretty nervous about the MTC. After all, I am going to be there for nine whole weeks! That is a really long time!!! Missionaries serving in their native language are only in the MTC for 11 days. So nine weeks is like forever. It will be so nice to have plenty of time to learn Japanese though. I am looking forward to that. I am also looking forward to meeting all of the people I will be serving with. :) There are two sisters that I have met on Facebook that will be serving in Kobe with me. One of them reports next week! The other sister reports the same day as me. Maybe we will be companions, or maybe roommates (there are generally 4 missionaries in a room at the MTC). We'll see. Either way I am super excited about that.


Okay. Let's have a moment of honest to goodness truth.

Over the last day and a half I have felt so weepy. All I want to do is throw myself a little pity party and cry my eyes out. Dramatic much? Oh well. That is how I feel. It's a problem.

I think over this weekend it really hit me that I am leaving so soon. Time is flying by way too quickly! I leave in a month and a half (or at least I will be done working in a month and a half, and leaving the week after). I report to the MTC in 51 days. I leave Sweet Home Alabama in 50 days. I will be done nannying my favorite little girl in 39 days. That is just over a month. So much change, and it just makes me feel over-whelmed.

I am SO excited to serve a mission, don't get me wrong, but this whole in between limbo period is NOT my favorite. By any means whatsoever. I mean I feel like there are some days where I go through so many emotions that I just don't even know how to handle myself. Anyone else ever have that problem? No? Just me? Awesome. Okay. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this, but even if I am that is okay. At least I know that Christ has felt the same things as me.

"We are not, and never need be alone . . . The Savior has suffered not just for our sins and iniquities, but also for our physical pains and anguish, our weaknesses and shortcomings, our fears and frustrations, our disappointments and discouragement, our regrets and remorse, our despair and desperation, the injustices and the inequalities we experience, and the emotional distresses that beset us. There is no physical pain, no spiritual wound, no anguish of soul or heartache, no infirmity, or weakness you or I ever confront in mortality that the Savior did not experience first. In a moment of weakness we may cry out, "No one knows what it is like. No one understands," but the son of God perfectly knows and understands for he has felt and born our individual burdens, and because of his infinite and eternal sacrifice he has perfect empathy, and can extend to us his arm of mercy. He can reach out, touch, succor, heal, and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be, and help us to do that which we could never do relying only on our own power. Indeed, his yoke is easy, and his burden is light." - Elder David A. Bednar

Just re-listening to Elder Bednar's talk from General Conference makes me feel so much better. Sometimes I forget just how much my Heavenly Father knows and loves me. It is reasons like this that I want to serve a mission. Because Heavenly Father and his son, Jesus Christ, have done SO much for me, and there is no better way to thank them, then to bring others to Christ and to his gospel. I am so grateful for the opportunity that I have to share this gospel with God's children in Japan. I know it will be so hard sometimes, but I know that no matter what, it will be so worth it!

"Your success as a missionary will be directly proportional to how much you love those you serve and those you serve with. Love them. Love God. Love yourself." - Unknown

Okay, now that I have come full circle with happiness, pity party, and back to happiness I think I have accurately displayed how I have been feeling lately. Haha. It's all for a good cause though. :) So I'll take the moments of sadness, because the moments of happiness are always so much better.

Robertson Shimai
Almost! 51 more days.

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