One month seems like forever, but like barely anytime at all. I leave for my mission in less than a month. I will be a missionary in less than a month. I will report to the MTC a month from today! Well, yesterday. But you get the point. My how time flies! I feel like I just got my mission call in the mail, and here I am leaving so soon.
I remember thinking that 5 months would never go by fast enough, because 5 months is almost half a year, and that is forever! But here we are, with only a month to go, and I couldn't be happier.
Let me tell you guys something that happens when big changes are about to occur. I am filled with so many emotions that I feel like I might explode at any given moment. I don't know whether to cry, or shout for joy, or scream, or dance, or just have a complete and total meltdown. It's a struggle, but totally normal, right? Good. I'm glad you agree with me. Even if you don't, I am going to pretend you do for my sake. Preparing for my mission has been the most stressful, and wonderful thing in the world. There are so many things that I still have to do and by that I mean pack, pack, and pack some more and so little time to do it all. The nice thing about going on a mission though, is that just thinking about it I get so excited! When I am focusing on my mission and teaching the gospel to those around me, I just get so happy! It is the best feeling. But when I start to think about all that I need to get done, and all the things/people that I am going to miss, I start to get a little bit panicky... It's a problem.
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Speaking of panicky... Now that I am down to less than one week (I will be reporting to the MTC in 6 days!), things are starting to get real. On Sunday one of the guys getting ready for his mission gave his farewell talk. It wasn't until he started talking that I realized I would be in his place in a week. That I would be up there speaking, and getting ready to leave. While sitting there in the pew, I had a moment of panic. I had a complete meltdown, and all I could think was, "What on Earth am I about to do???"
One of the things that I have learned over that past couple of years, is that I hate speaking in public. I love teaching. When I am teaching I feel so comfortable, but put me in front of a podium in Sacrament meeting and I start to freak out. I get super shaky, and my mind goes blank. It's a problem. Especially when you have to talk for a really long time - like when you have to give your farewell talk. Talk about stress. I'm just going to have to keep reminding myself that missionaries are just regular people. They aren't super heros who never get scared or nervous. And if they can do it? Well, then so can I. At least that is what I keep telling myself. And if I'm wrong? Oh well. Don't tell me. I think I'll feel better about this one if I am in denial. And you know what? It's not going to last forever. It will end eventually, and then I will be on my mission dealing with all sorts of challenges and hard things. But that's okay, because it will be the greatest time of my life.
And until then? I'll just try my best to take deep breaths and not stress out too much.
Robertson Shimai
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Random thought
I want to be the best missionary that I can possibly be. From here on out, I am going to put my trust in the Lord (100%, none of this half-way stuff). I can't think of a better way to become closer to my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ, then to take a leap of faith, get out there, and just do it. I am not going to let my insecurities get to me. I am not going to let myself feel uncomfortable, nervous, or scared to share the gospel with those around me, and to follow promptings. I know that as I put my trust in the Lord, he will not let me down.
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