sometimes you need to put your trust in the Lord

Okay, that's a lie. You always need to put your trust in the Lord. I can be a bit stubborn sometimes (not when it comes to things in my everyday life, but more so when it comes to listening to promptings).

For the longest time I can remember the thought of serving a mission. I always told myself "no, I don't want to" or "no I don't know enough." Basically lots and lots of thoughts like those filled my mind anytime I thought about it. At one point, I remember telling myself that maybe once I was 21, I would think about it. If I had no potential spouse in the picture, and I had nothing else really going on, then I would really think about it. 

When the age changed in October 2012, I remember praying about it, and I knew that it would be great. The problem was, I just didn't really have the desire to go. Really I just wanted to get married, and was hoping that would be a possibility. So, once again I ignored the promptings that I was getting. 

I mean, I remember saying before General Conference to one of my friends that I didn't think I was going to serve a mission. I was hoping to be married by the time that I could serve, so I just didn't see it as a possibility. I even remember one specific thing that I said, "maybe if I could go now I would. That won't ever happen though." I am really grateful that Heavenly Father is SO patient with me. I mean there I was, just a few days before what I thought was seemingly impossible happened. Then the age changed, and what did I do? Get in the way of the promptings that I was receiving. I would think about it, and then I would psych myself out, and push the thoughts away.

There were so many things in my life that were being put into place, yet I still ignored the promptings. I continued to grow, both as an individual, and in the gospel. I graduated from BYU-H with my Associates, and then I went home, all the while ignoring the possibility of a mission. 

When I got home, things went less then according to my plans. I didn't want to go back to school. Marriage was out of the question. I didn't know what to do. For a long time I just did nothing (well, I mean, I had a job - I just wasn't getting anywhere with what to do next). All the while, Heavenly Father was ever so patient with me, letting me try (and fail) to figure things out. I had thought about moving somewhere new, volunteering in an orphanage, teaching English abroad, but not about a mission (I had already decided that I didn't want to. I mean 18 months seemed like such a long time, and I wasn't good enough.)

I ended up applying to teach English with ILP on a whim, and got accepted. I felt really good about it, and I still do. That is how I ended up in Ukraine. This has been a wonderful experience, and it has allowed me to really grow, and figure out what Heavenly Father has in store for me. 

Over the last couple of weeks (probably more like months) I have been praying about what to do next with my life. Should I go back to school and get my Bachelors? Should I get a real job (teach Preschool)? Should I pick up and move somewhere else? What on earth am I going to do when I get home in December? One day I remember the thought of a mission coming back. I started to really think about it, and even pray about it. I began reading different articles and talks from the General Authorities about missions. I read blogs of other girls on missions, and those still preparing to go. I even went so far as to tell my dad and my sister that I had been thinking about a mission. 

Well, on Sunday I was skyping my family (like we do every Sunday), and I began talking about it to both my mom and my dad. What about money? When would I want to leave? What about Liam's baptism in April? And Sariah's graduation in May? I came up with a billion questions and concerns, but at one point, it was no longer a what if I go on a mission. The "what-if" became the "when" and "how" can I make this work?

I have had so many of my best friends leave and go on missions. I couldn't even count on my hands how many friends I have that are out Serving the Lord in all different areas of the World. I have watched them grow and have heard so many wonderful experiences. I have even had friends who have come home. The 18 months that I once thought was so long, was no longer an issue. I began to realize just how much my Heavenly Father loves me, and how patient he is with me. I decided to put my trust fully in him, and emailed my bishop about my decision to go. (Okay, maybe I used the excuse of not having his email to put it off even more, but my dad quickly remedied the situation, and within a few minutes, the email was sent). 

As soon as I got the email from my bishop saying I could start my papers, I was GLOWING! My dad said he wished that he had screen shotted my reaction. Here I was, in Ukraine, at midnight, starting my mission papers. Eventually I went to bed, and then the next day after I got done teaching, I came home and finished everything that I could from here. And let me tell you how beyond exciting that is!

Now I have to be patient and wait until December 16, when I get home to finish my papers. All I have left is the doctor and dental appointments, and then my interviews with both my bishop and my stake president, and then I am done!

When I was trying to figure out what to put as my availability date, my dad told me to put January 1st. I was so surprised! I was like, "But DAD! I won't be ready by then! How am I supposed to come up with all the money? That is SO soon!" But, he sat there completely serious and told me that I pay what I can, and they will pay the rest. Here I am, in Ukraine, and my dad is telling me the solution to all of my biggest worries. I can not explain the wonderful comfort that it was for everything to fall into place so seamlessly. 

Thinking back on the last year, when I could have already been on my mission, I know that I was instead blessed with the opportunity to grow even more, and to really know when the time came that serving a mission is the right thing for me in my life right now. So many things have happened that I know were necessary for me to sit back and let Heavenly Father guide me in the right decision. I am so grateful for his never ending patience with me and my stubborn self. I am grateful for the love that he shows me, even when I sometimes refuse to accept it. 

I am so ready to serve a mission. To go to a place, and serve the people there. I am ready to share the happiness that the gospel brings me in my life. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ is the only true church on the Earth today. I know that through Christ's atoning sacrifice, we may all be saved. I am grateful for the healing powers of the atonement, and the peace and comfort they have brought me in my life. I am so grateful for the knowledge that families can be together forever. I know that Joseph Smith is the Prophet of the Restoration. I know that the Book of Mormon is true. I know that Thomas Monson is our true and living prophet on the Earth today. I know that the apostles and prophets are called of God, and their teachings are truly inspired. 

I am so ready to submit my papers, and find out where I am Called to Serve. I know that wherever I go, is where I am needed the most, and because of that I don't have anywhere that I wouldn't want to go. I really am okay with going anywhere, and I am grateful for that. 

Sister Robertson

(When I went to start working on my papers, it said "Sister Robertson" and it made me SO excited!)


Ps. I think that it is only fitting that I am about to turn 21, I am not getting married anytime soon, and there is nothing else in the way of my serving a mission. Heavenly Father sure does have a sense of humor sometimes.